thoughts on selfishness

I don't think of myself as overly selfish...but as someone recently pointed out to me ...I am incredibly selfish.  I am trying to wrap my head around that.  I think there is some truth to that... everyone is at least a little selfish, some are much better at averting it. 


I never thought of myself as a user either...but that was the other comment.  


I used my friends for my own selfish needs.  When you write it out...it sounds awful.  But in reality, that is the definition of friendship.  I need help with something, my friend helps me.  then vice versa....it is a mutually beneficial relationship....because if it wasn't one or both would walk away...  it sounds so callous to say it that way...but really it is.  


And yes it is selfish to want my friends to appreciate, reassure, support me in a way that makes me feel cared about.  But, they want the exact same thing from me.  I have to remember to not lose sight of this within myself....and remember that they need it too...  I would love to be the great, noble person who only gives, never needs anything...but, I am not.  


I sat in Bible study the other day, completely rocked by this concept....focusing on the other. Over the past year, I have been completely focused on myself.  2.0 and all of that!  I guess I only do things to the extreme.  When really, this was just a surface dusting.  I have so much farther to go to be truly positive, grateful and giving.  This is the difficult thing of my place in life right now...and I fear I have no idea how to proceed.  How do I show those I care about that I care, and be there for them...without losing myself?  How do I focus on personal growth without missing what is happening right in front of me?  I know in this past week alone, I was so focused on my feelings that I missed an awesome opportunity to truly thank someone for the kindness they paid me, and telling thim how much it meant to me.


I am a black and white person living in the grey area...and I am completely out of my element.  How does one get to be this age of adulthood and not be able to function outside of the extremes?