When did my life start fitting a country song?

I am disappointed, dismayed, disturbed... (and apparently addicted to alliteration--LOL!!)  


I never thought my life would mimic a country song...but alas it has....  I have had two friends whom I would have at one time considered two of my closest and dearest friends, but over the last three years for one and one year for the other have been wondering why we are friends.  I know both of them have selfish tendencies and can at times be self-absorbed (can't we all?); but I knew that about them and accepted them as they were for I know I have things about me that are annoying...this is friendship.  But when you realize that you are carrying the brunt of the friendship and if you stopped communication they wouldn't notice for a while...or even re-start it themselves, you start to question things.  With both of them, I have felt greatly taken advantage of recently.


So what has made this a country song kind of life?  My dog died.  I have been devastated, heart broken and an all out mess.  My dog was nearly a part of me....we were rarely apart.  He was my constant companion.


So what happened?  The female friend has barely spoken to me.  I know she knows she shares some of the blame in what happened to Kato.  But for two days I didn't receive so much as a text.  I reached out...at a time like this I needed my friends and family desperately...but I have started every text conversation over the past few days (but one)...she has made almost no effort.  She doesn't even ask how I am doing until I ask her first.  The only text she sent was that she was worried that we wouldn't be friends anymore and how that would kill her if that happened.  Really?  I'm barely functioning and you are worried if we are still friends because of HOW IT WILL EFFECT YOU???  Really?  How about me?  I'm the one who is dealing with the death of my companion...the one who had to be alone with his body for 30 minutes until my uncle could come and help.  (my parents were out of town).  How about ASKING HOW THE FUCK AM I DOING??!?!?


The male friend, I had been pulling away from because I felt I was getting in the way of the relationship with his girlfriend.  But I thought we were still friends.  I used to tell him my thoughts, I didn't think people turned caring off.  I reached out when I was alone with my dog, waiting....  He got back to me and wanted to know what happened....not how are you doing or anything.  Admittedly, he has a penis so really getting it is probably out....  He was also going to see his girlfriend.  He nicely offered to call when he got to her house...No...I will not get into the middle of your weekend.  But stupidly, I expected him to show some care when he got back into town.  Did I receive a text?  an e-mail?  a visit?  Asking me how I was doing? Nope. Nothing. Nada.  Some friend....I know you had the best weekend of your life...but 30 seconds of care, of time for a friend in the time of need?  Apparently that's too much to ask.  Whatever.


I struggle with why I keep people like this around me.  I am coming to a point in my life that I have to cut who is bringing me down, not supporting me, etc...  I am too old to give 19th chances.  I have to do what is best for me...not matter how much it hurts.  Ending the friendship with the male friend was fairly uncomplicated since we are not speaking to each other....but not easy.  The female friend will not be so easy either.  We have 20 years of friendship where we have had bumps in the road...but really...at a time like this...where it really matters...when you really need someone to care because you feel like you are falling apart....  it's like that song...at a time like this...you find out who your friends are...

Run your car off the side of the road

Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road This is where the cream is gonna rise This is what you really didn't know This is where the truth don't lie
[Chorus]

You find out who your friends are Somebody's gonna drop everything Run out and crank up their car Hit the gas, get there fast Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'

They just show on up with their big old heart You find out who your friends are
Everybody wants to slap your back wants to shake your hand when you're up on top of that mountain

But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up and see who's around then
This ain't where the road comes to an end This ain't where the bandwagon stops This is just one of those times when A lot of folks jump off
[Chorus]

When the water's high When the weather's not so fair When the well runs dry Who's gonna be there?
[Chorus]

You find out who your friends are (yeah, yeah) You find out who your friends are
Run your car off the side of the road Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere (Well man, I've been there) Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

(Man, I've been there)
Man, I've been there Oooh yeah.