Autopsy File #101

When I started thinking about how I am learning to balance my values, I decided that I need to explore the past to understand the present.  So...a la High Fidelity...I will attempt to recall to the best of my ability....hopefully it will resemble historical accuracy :)  note:  I will not be searching them down to talk to them.... LOL


Let's begin at the beginning....


The Hockey Nut was my first crush.  It was seventh grade.  I had been playing sports with the boys for a few years and I didn't see them as anything but teammates....not as hot junior high boys (as the rest of my friends saw them) :)  Then something changed...in my class of 17 kids...there was this older boy....  He had beautiful black curly hair that he could never seem to control....and the most beautiful blue eyes adorned with long lashes (you know the ones that girls are jealous about...)...he was funny and he played hockey.  I like hockey...everything about the sport fascinates me....the ice...how they can play in skates...the violence....  My family does not care for hockey....so the hockey nut was perfect to talk to about the games I followed!


(As a side note...even at the age of 13, I thought goalies were the most intriguing of players...but what I couldn't appreciate at that age was:  what else that level of skill and flexibility means.  What hot-blooded American woman doesn't get a little twinge in the nether-regions when they think of what goalies can do on the ice...and how that translates to the bedroom!)  The hockey nut was not a goalie.  I can't recall the position he played....but that is nether here nor there...  


When it was time for the one dance that was allowed at Catholic school...I was so excited!  I was hoping that he would ask me to dance!  I had on my favorite dress and attempted to tame my hair...As a disclaimer...the boys tended to use the girls they danced with as battering rams...running the girls into each other...nonetheless...I wanted to dance.  I sat under the watchful eye of the head nun with all the other girls...one by one the other girls were asked to dance.  The hockey nut had asked Amanda to dance and I was disappointed...but we still had an hour to go.  The time came and went....it was the last song.  I tried to keep positive...and then....he came over and asked me to dance!  I was ecstatic! My first dance!  The hockey nut didn't talk to me....he tried to run me into other girls....then it was over and he walked away!  What a confusing experience!  At the end of the day we were getting ready to leave and I saw my brother with the hockey nut.  They seemed engrossed in conversation...I was intrigued.  When my brother came over he wouldn't tell me what they talked about.  I was angry...but I focused on the fact that I had my very first dance!


The next day there seemed to be a rumor going around...I talked to my classmates to find out the news.  They wouldn't tell me.  Finally at lunch time I found out what all the fuss was about.  My brother had paid the hockey nut to dance with me!  He had to pay him $5 to get him to do it!  I was mortified!  I know my brother meant well.... but... So, the hockey nut didn't even like me.  I heard through the grape vine that he thought I was too fat and brainy.  I was very discouraged! 


This experience definitely shaped my interactions with the opposite sex.  I felt that I wasn't pretty enough or desired (in fact it seemed that my brother tended to agree--since he had to persuade someone otherwise).... and that my brain (which I am so proud of) was actually a detriment.  So I decided that boys were stupid and if they couldn't handle someone smarter than them...then that it was their issue!  I wouldn't even look at a boy in the "more-than-a-friend" way for over a year.....