So after my self-imposed hiatus from boys, I found myself crushing again. It is a sickness....I thought I had been in remission!
In the summer between 8th and 9th grades...I was befriended the sister of one of my brother's All*Star teammates. All the other girls were mean and catty and more into what they were wearing and the boys than into the game. I had already decided boys were not worth my time....and besides...I love baseball! It is my all time favorite spectator sport! I especially love minor league games... Anyway, I was glad to have someone to chat with while I watched the games. Her brother, the baseballer, was one of the few teammates who was nice to us. He would come over and talk on occasion. One day I noticed that he had gorgeous brown eyes. So despite my boycott (apt word!) I started to crush. All summer long she and I spent time at each other's houses...I got to know her brother better...it was great. She also admitted to having a crush on my brother...it was fun to pretend that maybe one day we could be sisters (how young I was! the thoughts that go through a young girl's head).
By the middle of summer we had decided that we would do something to get each other's brother to notice us. We agreed on notes that we would bring home. After delivery, my brother responded to her that she was a nice girl, but...he was not interested. The baseballer, on the other hand, ignored my letter. I was sad. What was worse, is that his sister stopped talking to me altogether. When I asked her what was going on, she admitted that she didn't really like me and only wanted to get closer to my brother! I was shocked! I learned later that this is part of that class that I missed....I could not fathom befriending someone for the sole purpose of advancing one's dating career. I prefer to be real...to be real friends without some hidden agenda...otherwise it is manipulation. (I will note that this is different than being polite/friendly to someone in the group of friends that you do not like. This is good social practice.)
To make matters worse. When I arrived at my first soccer practice...the boys...my teammates....began to make fun of me. Apparently the baseballer had told his friends what I had done! I was embarrassed. I wanted to quit soccer altogether. They were mean. I took a deep breath and decided to not let them spoil my fun (it was my favorite sport to play)...and it eventually blew over. That was a rough year for soccer...and I had decided that I would not play next year (after having been the only girl in the league for 3 years)...I started to feel like I didn't belong...I learned to act like one of the guys, but hated it when they forgot I was a girl. When school started the baseballer pretended I didn't exist.
From this experience I learned two things. First, if you are friends with a boy and you like him and he doesn't feel the same way....the friendship is basically over. It is just too uncomfortable or something. Secondly, many girls are catty, competitive and manipulative. When it comes to boys, their motivation is often not to be trusted. I am pretty sure, looking back through my adult eyes, that this was definitely a major subject in that class I missed! I never learned the "art" of female competitiveness. And I don't think this is a bad thing....I believe people should be treated respectfully...because...well...that is what I want too! :)
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