We began dating...our schedules were different (I worked afternoons and he worked midnights)...so we met a couple of times a week for breakfast and every other weekend hung out on the evening that he didn't work. Two months in...he said he wanted a baby! I freaked! I told him that I would not do that on purpose unless I were married. He tried to talk me into it...I left early. He apologized and I told him I would not speak of it again. About 3 weeks later....he told me he was going away for the weekend to see his cousin. When he returned, he told me he was moving in with another cousin (his roommate was transferred out of state). I offered to help.
It was late on a Sunday evening after we finished packing and cleaning....I was tired. He wanted to go out for a drink...I wanted to go home. He walked me to my car...all of the sudden this Suburban comes barreling down the road and nearly runs me over. Holy Cow! The brakes screech to a halt and this woman flies out cussing and screaming! I was shocked and a little afraid. She was calling me not so nice names...I have never even laid eyes on this woman...so I ask him who she is...since she obviously knows him. She answers for me: "I'm his ________wife, you ___ _____ _____! There is no denial from the Married Fucker.
I am so shocked that I cannot speak! wife? was I that stupid to miss that? I got in my car and left...there was no way I was sticking around! I do not play this game! She then began a one month long harassment of calls at all hours (which by the way...the police won't bother with--thankfully she didn't know where I lived!) He came over one time after this....to apologize and explain.....(which is the only reason I let him in). Apparently he was dating the both of us....he preferred me (so he says)...but because I did not want to have children (I didn't bother to correct him on this one) and she already had some...he asked her to marry him. The visiting of the "cousin" was his wedding. The moving in with his "cousin" was moving in with her! I was such a fool to have missed this! Thankfully I did not love the married fucker. But, he apparently thought I did...because after explaining...and apologizing...he was trying to get me to keep seeing him! really? the nerve! I told him to leave and to never contact me again! See? this is where that karma bomb may have gone off in my face? LOL
Surprisingly, he tried calling once a week for a couple of months...sometimes leaving messages, sometimes not...I never picked up or called him back (I even re-saved his name as the married fucker on my phone)....his wife found out...left me a nasty message (I always let an unknown number go to voicemail :) ). Then he started calling me on his new number, but this time it was only about once a month...this went on for almost three years...with more and more time in between calls. I refused to change my number over this nonsense....and thankfully I haven't heard from him in a couple of years....maybe he finally accepted it??
This is where I began to think that maybe I should clearly state or we should have a conversation about exclusivity or where we stand...or where we want to go....it seems that it is all so murky....and since I missed that class...I don't have any idea how to do this without being blunt....because unfortunately...bluntly stating my opinion can seem like an ultimatum....I wish I knew how to negotiate this part of dating....
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