You know, I am not exactly sure how I stumbled across this blog…but I am very intrigued by the blog and the varied responses to it. And truthfully, some of the responses infuriate me to no end. From my not so copious research here is what I know. This woman named Rebecca Watson made a video blog to further prove her points on the sexism and objectification women face every day. Ms. Watson is in the Atheist/Skeptic camp. From reading her blogs, she provides some very interesting points….specifically as a feminist. She was apparently speaking at a conference about how religion objectifies women, but had to argue that it is also prevalent in the Atheist community. She spoke about how people coming from religious viewpoints have threatened to rape her and how she also had to deal with sexist behaviors in all contexts, making it an overarching cultural issue.
In this video, she describes an incident where she felt unsafe and creeped out by the behavior of a man. He was alone at 4am with her in an elevator and asked her to come to his room for coffee. And that she wanted to educate men, that this type of behavior is not ok. I spent hours reading the responses…and I felt deeply saddened that we really have not come very far in the last couple hundred years. Many of the comments defended the actions of the man, saying he didn’t know better…or you should be happy that he is hitting on you...or equal rights means he can do this....but really it is missing the point. I bet that he really did not mean any harm and was really a drunken bumbling idiot. This is not the issue. The issue is that many people do not understand what it is like to be vulnerable. And flipping it around as if she would have done the "asking" is completely a diversionary tactic...men and women are...newsflash...different! Especially when it comes to sex.
We have to be constantly on guard to keep ourselves out of unsafe situations, because if we are walking alone at night on a dark street or parking lot….it is not surprising we get raped (as is the thought process of many). ESPECIALLY if we are in a short skirt, low cut top and have had many previous sexual partners…because all of these things scream “please violate me!” Additionally, there are many men out there who are offended that we view every stranger in nearly any unprotected situation as a possible rapist. You can’t have it both ways—we have to be aware…because if we find ourselves in a situation where it is possible that we could be raped...and are…it is our fault for being so stupid… I hate this blaming the victim mentality. First of all…rape is rarely about sex…it is about power….always has been…why do you think the phrase “rape and pillage” has rape in it? If it weren’t such a big deal…it wouldn’t be used to subdue conquered populations (while furthering your own “population”). Secondly, as one commenter on the blog said…it’s not like people wear nametags that say “Hi, I’m Tim, I’ll be your rapist today.” It is always there…that concern. EVERY. DAY.
This also goes for when the victim knows the rapist (often called date rape)…it is about power…i.e., getting what they want when there has been a refusal…like “how dare she”? I have a friend who was raped in college. She was dating the guy, they started making out…she did not want to have sex. He did. He decided that since she was turning him on, and was his girlfriend…etc…that her no really meant yes. First, yes it sucks to be turned on and not get anything out of it…and if she was really leading him on or teasing…shame on her…she was being a bitch… IRREGARDLESS…if she doesn’t want it…he needs to respect that! AND it pisses me off when people say she didn’t say the word “no”…she said “not right now” or “I don’t feel like it”….so she really didn’t mean no. Ok…who hasn’t had an experience where you said “NO”…and the person persisted…very pushy…bullied…maybe even physically threatened? Or being called a cold, heinous bitch? We have been conditioned to not give the direct no as a way to sugarcoat and spare feelings…and possibly not incite anger. I agree that the indirect is murky…but this is where we are. Again…it’s still not giving permission. (as a side note—I really hate that when I stand up for myself to men—I am a bitch, too emotional, crazy or my feelings written off as unimportant!)
The thing that frightened me the most about the responses to this blog is that many people didn’t see what the fuss was about. First, I am the first to admit that I am not a small person…nor am I weak…nor am I often hit on…but I have felt very uncomfortable, scared and even threatened by men because of the situation and their behavior. I am fully aware that it would not take much for the average male (especially if drunk and/or determined) to overpower me. This knowledge is scary as shit! I am a single woman who has lived by myself for years. I have left work to go into a dark parking lot with my keys between my fingers, checked under the car and in the back seat…not really taking a breath until I pull safely away. I have heard a sound in my house having only a rock and my cel phone to defend myself…walking throughout the house, whole body trembling, turning on lights making sure there is no intruder. I have locked up the bookstore and had a strange man follow me in the alley (at night, in the dark) talking to me the whole way to the Jeep…barely responding--trying to be polite so as not to anger…but praying that he leaves me alone so I can run to the Jeep and get out. I have been in the store alone with a drunken man, afraid of what he will do….the whole time figuring out an escape plan. See…I wouldn’t be afraid, if there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. I have been molested by an older cousin, I have had a stalker, a man tell me he could rape me (after coming uninvited into my room), been sexually harassed walking down the street and had a man get very angry when I told him no, I am not looking to have sex with you. AND...think about this...I am not one of the pretty women...they unfortunately get this ten-fold! We as women have to be aware of it. ALL. THE. TIME.
And yes…I would have been totally creeped out by a guy asking me to go to his room at 4am when it was just the two of us in the elevator. It wouldn’t necessarily have to do anything with him…just the situation. If admitting that and agreeing with Ms. Watson by saying… hey dudes don’t do that… makes me a femi-nazi…then I am. Especially to those who said that he was drunk as an excuse…remember alcohol amplifies our tendencies and reduces inhibitions…if this guy thought it wasn’t a big deal to corner a girl in a small box where he could push the emergency stop button and trap her in there—when he was drunk…it is so ingrained that it is ok not to consider her feelings…we have major, major problems! (this phenomenon by the way is called objectification)
I want equal pay for equal work. I want equal opportunity for advancement. I want to be respected….especially when I express my opinion. I want to not walk around with fear always in the back of my mind. I want my feelings, wants, wishes to be respected…and to be spoken to respectfully. I want to feel safe. This is another point where feminism and chivalry are not far off. Respect of women….for me…that’s all I want.
AND...IF YOU CLICK NO OTHER LINK...CLICK THIS ONE...IT IS WELL WRITTEN AND APT!
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