I had been trying to be more positive about using online dating...but it was difficult....it is like research hoping you get the result that you want...but experiment after experiment...you still get the other result.... Nonetheless...I kept trying. I made a decision....I would try to be more selective...I had just received a free 6 months because the first 6 didn't work...so I decided that in this time...I would date no more than three people. I would communicate longer...trying to see if there were any red flags... If I made it to the third person and it still didn't work...I would cancel my account.
Sooo...bachelor number one I call the IT Guy....he provided all of IT for one of the local school systems... After several months of chatting and phoning we decided to meet...ironically he lived three blocks from where I worked...our first date was wonderful! We got along well and enjoyed each other's company...(so far no red flags) When he walked me to my Jeep he asked if he could kiss me goodnight! Oh wow a real gentleman! I thought about it for a few seconds...and decided...yes, he could. It was a very sweet kiss.
We continued to see each other about twice a week for the next five or six weeks...and things started to progress a bit faster than what I wanted....he knew my stance on intimacy and time spent together (I was using it online to weed out the hornballs) but it got a bit more insistent. I asked if we could slow down just a bit....he agreed. Things went well for about another week. He had planned to make me dinner...and rented a movie. I was excited about this date...it sounded cozy and fun. I get to his place and he is very standoffish... I am confused...figure he had a bad day at work...waited for him to talk about it.... but nothing.... I tried to coax conversation...but it just wasn't happening. Sensing that he just wanted time alone, I cut the date short and went home before the movie. The daily e-mails and frequent phone calls ceased immediately...and I thought..."really? what did I do wrong, now? Sure, we had an off day, but...." So I give it 10 days....and I email him that I want to meet....and told him when and where. Surprisingly he agreed.
I asked him if there was something wrong. He said no. I know you aren't supposed to ask these types of questions because it apparently scares the easily frightened male of the species....but really? So I let it hang there for a bit....asked how things were going...hoping he would warm up to talking...we start a conversation.... randomly he says to me that he is not perfect and he is not the perfect one for me...I am confused...where did this come from? We weren't talking about anything in that direction...and I had been having major doubts of even another date...much less thinking he was perfect for me! So I ask him to explain....he says that he doesn't want exclusivity and that is where this is going....I am surprised at this...since a few weeks ago he was the one who wanted to go way too fast.... so I ask him...."are you saying you want to date other people at the same time?" He says "well since we had that bad date where we didn't talk...yes". I realize that there is no point in dealing with this logic....at this point...I am not going to share and hope he picks me. I tell him that "at this stage that doesn't work for me. I do not want to waste my time." He just looks away. I get up, tell him goodbye and leave. The End.
He never contacted me again...and I was left more confused over the rules of dating than ever. I hate dating...I don't get it...I apparently always screw up. My two main relationships have been friends and we have gotten to know each other that way...it was so much better....and I knew them so much better--the real person....but the majority of my guy friends are married or not a good fit. And the one that I thought had potential doesn't want me. So I guess I am stuck with dating..... sigh...
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