I found out what was really happening with PK two days later. He was dating the girl from my hall (the soccer slut). She was in his sister sorority. I was flabbergasted and devastated at the same time. Things like that really happen!!?? I was in a haze for the next two weeks, begrudgingly planning the annual end of the year party my friends and I had. I was really in no mood to socialize and was really glad to be getting out of there. The day before my party, PK called. I refused the call and my roommate took the message. When I finally looked what he said...I was shocked. He wanted to come to the party (he had been helping plan it until this point). My roomie wanted me to tell him where to go....but I needed to work on this (we would be seeing each other everywhere for the next two years...I had to figure it out now)...so I told her she could tell him he could come. I braced myself.
Then the unbelievable happened. He came to the party and he brought HER! I was furious! I will admit that I am not proud of my next actions....but they are what they are. I literally grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the room. I actually began to yell and call names (that rarely happens). I asked him what the fuck was he thinking?! and a lot more not so nice stuff. (I had really wanted to be mature about this...but....alas). I calmed myself down and I said that we have always been friends and I deserve respect. I deserve to know what is going on. That him bringing her is unacceptable and when we were done...they were leaving! I finally said...I damn well deserve to know why and he was going to tell me. He said he would give me two of the reasons (there were more??) This is what he said:
1) I did not get jealous. He tried to make me jealous....and I didn't become psycho-jealous girl...therefore I didn't really care for him! What?!?! what kind of crazy logic is that? I was secure in the relationship...I TRUSTED him. PK began hanging out with the soccer slut...and I didn't have an issue....why would I say he couldn't hang out with friends? I wasn't worried. He was a respectful man AND he was with me. He was MY boyfriend. I thought I didn't have to worry....I was really, really wrong. He wanted me to bend myself into a pretzel...to react in a certain way to get the desired effect (what was so wrong with actually communicating to me?? instead a game was played....yeah, I know...men are from Mars...). He wanted me to somehow prove/do something to assuage his own self-esteem issues....I was "not enough"...I was apparently supposed to contort myself into something else....
2) PK liked me being a "strong woman"...BUT he also wanted to make all of the important decisions. Reason number two for the break up was that he felt that I wasn't committed to the relationship. The rationale for this thought? I wanted to wait to get married until we were out of college. I truly wanted to marry him--and at the time would have. I also wanted to be practical and ensure that we finish our degrees. Maybe he was right...that I didn't love him enough to try to make it "on our own" during college (I had so many concerns: no means of full income, no health insurance, lessened student loans, etc. )... My idea of a long engagement was not what he wanted...he wanted me to accept his direction....like a sheep. You can't have it both ways...
His revelations devastated me. They completely changed my worldview. I trusted him. I was betrayed. I found out later he was trying to figure out how to break up with me to date her for several weeks. She was pretty and skinny and popular. I was not. She villainized me...and our mutual friends chose sides (theirs) without even hearing my side. I learned again that women will compete for men, be damned the consequences and sometimes cannot be trusted....and that men cannot communicate effectively. Actions matter. It took me a long time to get over this. But I realized much later that this was for the best. One of his tendencies that annoyed me then still does....and I realized that we were not meant to be. At the time I had unfortunately took a hit to my self esteem and my trust of men....I made some really stupid relationship decisions during this time.
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