So more than six months after him...I was convinced to try online dating again.... I didn't hold any high expectations based on my last experience....but I was in a different city so I decided to try a different service...I figured this one was cheaper and all the "compatibility" crap was useless the last time....
After 6 first dates that either he or I decided didn't work...I met the metal artist. He was an odd combination...ex military (so he had the military type attitude) but also an artist....I was intrigued by him... he read things I had never read...and we had interesting conversations.....it was sometime between the third and fourth dates that I began to see something different emerge....He had strong opinions...but they veered towards racism, stereotyping and judgementalism....and my opinions were being minimalised...
After some thought, I called him (he lived in a different city)....I told him that I thought that we were too different and thanked him...I did this as nicely as possible. I hated to do it...I don't like hurting people's feelings...but it had to be done. He was quiet on the phone...said something to the effect of "if that's what you want". And I thought we were done. Apparently not. On came the negative e-mail onslaught. He had decided to tell me everything that was wrong with me and why I was still single! He talked about my too wide hips and large legs, my opinionated nature, my chipped tooth, my lack of reading intellect, my need to adjust menu items and so much more.... I thought..."really? Who does he think he is?". I will admit that the words stung when first read...but then came the anger...he barely knew me! We had e-mailed for a couple of months, talked on the phone a couple more...before meeting.... I unfortunately let the anger get the best of me...I hadn't planned to respond to his childish drivel....but I couldn't help the snarkiness that came out. I sent back one sentence. Why did you continue to ask me on dates then? Oh yeah...I was stupid....I can't believe I didn't see this coming....damn naivety! At least his response was the final email. He responded "Ugly girls are easy fucks."
I took a deep breath. This was hard. I knew he was just lashing out...but he was pointing out some things that I had been trying to get past...some "soft spots" that I struggled with... Inherently I know that I am a good, worthwhile person. But if you continuously get the message that you are not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, interesting enough, etc...you start to believe it. I had this nagging little voice that he was right....that I had to keep battling. In the end...I am so glad I went with my gut on this one....it goes show that it takes a while to really get to know someone...and that small things do make a difference...if you catch them right away.
I decided to keep trying...so on to the next one!
:)
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